humdrum

Wow, the whole blogger interface looks completely different all of a sudden. Congrats to them on the updates, I think?

Anyway I've been drinking my water like a good girl, although I've been slightly worried about the brain-eating microorganisms that have been found in local fresh water considering I've been swimming in all sorts of odd places. It kills you in two weeks, so I'm assuming I'm safe for a couple days at least.  Would I be skinny in heaven?

Tomorrow is weigh-in day. I'm not looking forward to it because of last week, though I haven't eaten horribly this week. This coming weekend I'll be spending my days spread out on a beach sipping wine and getting sunburnt. Maybe sunburns help burn calories?

damnit

Ok I'm not giving up, but I'd love an explanation on why I gained FIVE lbs my first week of doing this? I know I haven't limited my food intake at all, but I exercised (swam) every day, sometimes for hours! I thought throwing a little wrench into the variable would make some sort of difference, but not an added 5 lbs? I'm just that much closer to the heaviest I've ever been (220 lbs) ... damnit all.

Here's to water week.. I think...
(maybe adding more water to my diet at this point is a bad idea? Lord knows I don't need water weight gain... sigh) 

Cheers.

I dub thee "drink yo' damn water" week

Welcome to the moment of my late-night brownie addiction. This batch has walnuts. Today I swam for about 40 minutes.

I know this is silly but its the first time I've kept up with any kind of lifestyle change/diet plan for a whole week.. maybe its because I havent actually started dieting yet (in fact I've been eating horribly)... I will, but I'm trying to make tiny changes one at a time, and I'm just glad "get off your ass week" was successful.

This week (starting today) is hereby dubbed "drink yo' damn water" week. The goal will be 8 hours a day, however it'll be cumulative with last weeks' goal of exercising each day.

Cheers

sleepy self

Well hello. It's 1:00am in sunny Florida. I'm wide awake and sitting in lotus style on my bed (ok, naked) with the laptop perched atop a pillow in front of me. I spent my morning and afternoon "Goodwilling" with friends, stopping at seven different locations. The evening was spent in the pool, also with friends. In between there was Indian food.  That's all for tonight.. I'm sleepy.. which is a good thing. I'm also a bit depressed for no reason whatsoever, maybe due to lack of sleep. I feel like a giant blob today.

Cheers.

brownies, chinese & yogurt.. all in a days' work

It's early or late depending on where you live I suppose. Either way I had a decent birthday. It was nothing particularly special, not spectacular, but a decent one nonetheless.

[take a deep breath - this next paragraph is one long-ass sentence]

It involved drunk friends making me brownies at 2am, sleeping in after a long evening of sitting around a table and chatting all sorts of "girl talkie things" with friends, taking a bath, gorging myself on cheap chinese food while watching Star Trek for the first time (Star Trek II if you must know), going to Walmart to buy a full length mirror so I can see my whole self and nothing but my whole self, going home to watch a few episodes of Family Guy, getting up and deciding to go meet some friends at an Irish bar for a cocktail, stopping for frozen yogurt with more ridiculous toppings on the way home, and coming home to my partner and furchildren.... (when it's not fall or spring I could care less how my grammar is being perceived)...

Anyway it's almost week two here on this journey I guess. I think week two will be something to do with ensuring I get enough hydration.. of course it's cumulative so it will still technically be "get your ass moving" week.. kind of indefinitely.

I'm waking up in the morning to find a Goodwill (or 6) to satisfy my need to shop with the hole in my wallet. I hope it will be fruitful :)

I didn't swim today. It's the only day yet that I haven't stuck with "get your ass moving"... I'll make up for it tomorrow or Tuesday (I hope).. last night I spent about 6 hours in the pool after having spent the day at the beach... so there was lots of swimming involved. Maybe that kind of compensates for today?... ok maybe not.

Here's to a mildly fulfilling weekend!

Cheers

ice cream is the devil.

Well today wasn't horrible I suppose. I made an awesome dinner (obviously I haven't started cutting back on food) of baked curried cod, baked potato with sour cream, and a salad. Dessert is the ice cream I'm currently finishing. It's like this red velvet cakey cream cheesy ice cream. Uh can you say "heaven"??

Also, I went swimming today for about an hour in keeping up with my "get my ass moving" week. Tomorrow I'm spending the day at a local springs in search of some gator, mostly to make sure I don't swim near them. 

So, as I was getting my ice cream a little while ago I had my mantra in my head about personal development instead of instant gratification. Well, sure ice cream is instant gratification, but I'm developing personally while eating it because it's effing tasty...okay, maybe that doesn't make sense. There's that "excuse virus" coming into play. Oh well. I exercised - that counts for something, right? 

the universe hates me.

I got up at 2pm today. Oh, did I mention I have insomnia? Well, I do. For some reason, no matter how hard or try (or how many sleep aids I take), my body won't let me fall sleep before 5am.  Maybe it has something to do with my partners' snoring patterns. Oh well. Anyway, I got up at 2pm today (I'm an academic, my job lets me do that) and my partner came home from work and made Skyline chili. The moment I finished my deliciousness I jumped up and said "let's go swimming!" and I swear to freakin' Buddha that the second I did, thunder crashed all around us. Stupid storm. Stupid afternoon thunderstorms every day. So, I'll be patient with it. I'm going to put on my swim suit anyway,  head over to the pool, and kindly wait for the world to stop hating me [today].

baby steps

I did go swimming tonight, although it was delayed because I had some ex dyke drama. So 30 minutes on the elliptical and an hour long swim is pretty good, eh? I'm still a cow. Gah. Baby steps. Just gotta keep moving.

I'm talking with someone right now and complaining about my lack of self-discipline. Her response? "Just get some".. really kemosabe? If I could wake up tomorrow and say "THIS is my plan for the day" and actually stick with it, it'd be a miracle. Maybe there's a book on how to become self disciplined. If so, I need it.

p.s. it's "get off your ass" week (1)

I forgot to mention in my last post that I've dubbed this week "get off your ass" week. All it means is that this week I'm focusing on actually moving my body. I don't care about food - in fact I think I'll get some FroYo later with ridiculous toppings. I just need to get in the habit of exercising, so that's the goal - the only goal... this week anyway.

(p.s. I'm showered and un-sweaty now from the elliptical)

Off to swim -

Cheers.

elliptical equals nasty sweat stench

I just got off the elliptical. I was only on that thing for twenty minutes. I made a pact with myself, since I hate to exercise, that I can watch a TV show while I use it. Naturally, I picked "30 Rock" on Netflix streaming. I really don't get why that show lasted more than one season, or really an entire season. The acting is horrible.. but so is the selection of Netflix streaming.

So yeah, I smell horrible. It's like a 600 lb fat man just died on my skin, only it's 200 lbs, and oh wow, it's me! How's that for an epiphany? I'm ready to hop in the shower but I wanted to get on and write this first before I forget. I do that - I forget things all the time. I'm a pretty horrible human. I can't even keep promises to myself (I know - I don't have the best self esteem, but I also don't need a lecture on it).

I think I'll go swimming today... y'know, after I shower. That'll help me burn a few more calories and it's something I enjoy. I'm going to be swimming a lot in the next two months or so because soon winter will be here and all the pools will be closed (which is stupid - it's Florida for Christs' sake!). Anyway - I'm done. I'll try to post a photo later tonight, but maybe it will happen tomorrow. That way you (and I) can shudder some more in disgust.  Off to shower...

Cheers.

waking up to "eww"

I woke up this morning and this blog was up on my laptop. My first reaction was "ewww gross - who is that?",  but only for a split second until I realized the picture below is me and I got kind of ill and threw up a little in my mouth. Okay, not so much but still.. I'm gross. How did I let it get this bad?

I guess my goal is to get a [love] handle on this. When I met my partner I had just lost a ton of weight, though that was due to some dyke drama and a breakup... then I settled down and immediately blew up like a balloon.

Today's the day I'm setting goals. More to come later.

Fat. Queer. Hi.

The story is short. I'm fat. I'm queer. I have smiley faces on my nipples. My goal is to lose the fat and keep the queer, and maybe the smiley faces (You can't see them - they're under the titty-hider. They were in fact my first titty-hider). I don't expect anyone to read this. It's going to be an unbelievably honest self-explorative weight loss journal.  It's also quite embarrassing, but it's the only thing that will finally work and I'm desperate here.  So, that's where I am. This is where I begin. On the sidebar you'll see goals and how close I am to them.


Cheers.